We all want to be whole and to be free to live from the inside out, yet we seem to have so few people and places where we can go to be real and honest. – Disconnected: Parenting Teens In A Myspace World
The world is full of people that desire to be known. No doubt you are one of them. Yet something seems to stand in the way of most people finding places where they are deeply connected to others. It seems that this type of relationship is missing in marriages, friendships, and even churches.
I cannot speak for everyone, but here are three things that have prevented me from having a deep relationship with individuals and groups over the years:
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Focusing on how to fix what is wrong with me instead of accepting me for who I am. Like everyone else on the planet I am not perfect. However, I am doing my best to follow Christ, and the Bible tells me that if I will follow him then my character will be transformed to reflect that of Jesus. This may take longer than some would like, but it is in his hands to shape the person that I become.
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Malicious words. No doubt, my behavior has and will upset people as we interact with one another. The same is true for every person on the face of the planet. All of us will disappoint people, fall short of their expectations, make mistakes, act impulsively, etc… Thus is the human experience. However, when those moments happen, receiving words that strip away one’s dignity, slander one’s character, or are intended to inflict pain will only create barriers to a deeply connected relationship.
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Lack of investment. When the concerns of people are focused on what they can get out of a relationship instead of what they can contribute, then they will remove the willingness of all other parties to give their time and energy.
Like you I could list several others, but these serve as good talking points. What would you add to the list?
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Taking your third point and going a little farther with it, Larry, I’d say that the lack of investment extends to our being willing to change our lifestyles in order to include more fellowship with the brothers and sisters. This takes a conscious effort and it often also takes some sacrifice. Is it necessary for the kids to participate in every sporting opportunity that comes up? Is it worth it to work that extra day (or sleep in) and miss the brothers’ meeting on Saturday morning? Do I really have too much on my plate to organize a sisters’ sleepover? In today’s busy world, we have to make a serious effort to invest our time in being built together into the body of Christ. If we don’t ever see one another more than once or twice a week, how can He fit us together as living stones that make up His holy temple?
Cindy, I agree. Deep relationships in the church happen when we do life outside of regularly scheduled gatherings. We must show up in times of need, we should enjoy recreation together, we should work on projects together, etc…
Not only that, Larry, but relational activities are wonderful when all the saints get together (I guess you’d call it our “church service”). We always eat together, play with the kiddos together, share what Jesus has been doing in our lives through the past week, share what we’ve learned of Him through the week, seeking Him. Maybe someone will bring a song she’s written or even a you tube video that spoke to him . . . It is so good. I can’t imagine being without this community now. Thanks to our Lord! He is truly making us one. I am amazed.